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When people meet me and learn I like to shoot handguns or that I carry a defensive flashlight, I hear many of the following questions:
What are you afraid of?
Why on earth would you carry a gun?!
What happened to you that made you want to carry a defensive flashlight?
You must feel SO SAFE with Larry and Fluffy, why do you need to carry something?
Many of those same people are shocked when they discover that NOTHING bad has ever happened to me, that I am not paranoid, that I have never been attacked, never been mugged, never had any safety related issues – even when I am by myself without Larry or Fluffy to protect me.
The reason why I believe I haven’t experienced anything traumatic (other than very protective parents), is that I am proactive when it comes to my safety. Never have I wanted to say to someone that I wished I had learned more or done something different. Never did I want to have to tell my parents that something bad had happened to me because I didn’t listen to what they told me about safety.
But, how confident and informed I am now is not always how I was when it came to daily safety skills. Before Larry, I walked around with my head in the clouds a bit, running through my “to do” list in my mind, thinking about everything else I had going on with my day. Most women are just like me and do this too!
When I looked through blogs I had written years ago when we first started Sealed Mindset’s online awareness training to help families be more proactive with their safety, I found this – my first experience in a self defense class.
For other women out there who want to know what a self defense class is like before you attend one, here is my story. But remember, the class you attend is only as good as the teacher’s practical experience and whether or not the tools they give you have been passed through the filter of actually being used in the real world.
Before I arrived at the first self-defense course I ever took, I was aware of the following statistics:
- 1 out of 6 women will become a target of sexual assault.
- Eighty-seven percent of women who fought back when they were assaulted said it made the circumstances BETTER.
- 75% of sexual assaults are committed by someone known to the victim
I went into the self-defense course wondering what someone could teach me in three hours that might do more than just boost my confidence. The course was well executed, engaging, and the instructor had invited two women doctors to provide emotional support to all of the ladies attending.
Sitting in the class, I learned something I had not previously considered about criminals: a criminal would know how to protect himself from a woman’s initial reactions because when a criminal strikes, it is rarely the first time he has done it. He is practiced, he has planned and he is prepared. More likely than not, he has been watching you and your habits, which is why it is so integral to change up when you go to the gym, when you go to the grocery store, etc.
We also learned the following tips:
- Sit on the outside seat on planes, trains and buses with your belongings on the inside seat – much easier to escape from a bad situation if you can reach the aisle
- Don’t travel without your cell phone in your car
- Keep contact information, but not personal information in your wallet
- Carry the bulk of your money in your bra
- Always have ¾ of a car length in front of you and another car so that you are never boxed in.
We learned the following skills to try to prevent us from being taken to the ground:
- How to pinch effectively in the most tender places
- How to get out of a grabbed wrist
- How to back away at a 45 degree angle
- How to get out from under a man if he was sitting on top of you, pinning your wrists
- How to get out of a choke hold
- How to get out of a bear hug grab
We learned that predators typically look for the following in a victim:
- PASSIVITY: How passive are you? How close can a criminal get?
What will you allow a criminal to get away with?
How you react judges what will come next!
- LOW SELF ESTEEM: How do you carry yourself?
- ASSERTIVENESS: How easy is it for you to say no and move away from unwanted attention?
THE BOTTOM LINE
The bottom line for everything I learned was that a woman must become more aware of her surroundings. But, no one explained how I could become more aware – just that it was important to do so. Also, the focus was on “acting confident.” What I discovered from watching the other women in the class when they practiced “acting confident” was that you can’t fake confidence. Despite all of these good first learning points, I wanted more. This class inspired me to develop a class that taught more than tips and quick skills. Where this class stopped, the Sealed Mindset curriculum begins.
PRACTICING WITH LARRY
When I returned home and went to practice my new found protective skills on my husband, I was in for a bit of a shock. Not knowing what I had learned, he immediately picked me up in a big bear hug (with my arms at my sides since it happened so fast!) and threw me down onto the couch, pinning my arms with his forearms and my body with his body. He was not up in the position we had practiced in the self-defense course; instead, he was lying prone against me. My special ‘trick’ to put pressure on his knee to get out of a ‘man on top’ situation was useless, but I felt better knowing that I could fight. This mental strength made me determined not to give up. That didn’t mean that I eventually won, just that I knew I had more in me than I had before the class. I also realized very quickly how FAST an attack can occur, if you don’t know how to see it coming to avoid it.
KNOWLEDGE
At the end of the day, I was more confident in my ability to protect and defend myself because I had gained knowledge.
Knowledge made me understand that I was stronger than I thought. It made me realize more than ever that ALL women need more knowledge, more techniques and the specialized skill sets that can typically only be found in the military or federal training world. The most important thing I learned that day, however was that learning about being safe is a lifelong journey and a progression. It is also nothing to be afraid of! We have reserves of energy inside us that we barely ever use – gaining knowledge helps us tap into these reserves so that they are ready when we need them.
So, remember when it comes to personal safety or self-defense, there is always another tool to add to your personal safety tool kit and always something new to learn. Find a trusted resource for your questions, find an experienced instructor with real world defensive experience who integrates role playing to help you develop the right skills, and if you ever have questions, CALL ME.
And, after you make that first call to learn more, give yourself a congratulatory HUG. You have made the choice that will set you apart from all others as a stronger, more independent and prepared woman.
Now that is a woman I want to know.
